Creative Genius versus Ego

7/28/2011

I woke up today with the sobering realization I have such a big hill to climb and I am not sure how I am going to do it. I guess if I let my thoughts talk too much then I might as well pack it in because the journey isn't going to get any easier, in fact the opposite.

My CG (Creative Genius) keeps telling me, 'you are where you need to be at this point in time,' but my ego says I'm not. It says you're wasting your time, money, and energy focusing so much on something which you have dedicated six years to and still can't make a living from.

My CG says 'keep following your dreams and the rest will come.' My ego says that is not reality, that is not the real world, and that life is full of broken dreams.

My CG says 'hold your passion, stay focused, and you will be rewarded for your efforts.' My ego laughs in my face and calls me delusional, it laughs so hard its belly aches, and just for insult it tells me I have no chance in hell of getting anywhere because I live in the middle of nowhere.

My CG says that by sharing my journey I am helping so many people become better artists, my ego says that by sharing so much, some people are only going to take and use me for my knowledge and then kick and discard me like trash.

I was listening to my fav spiritual teacher Dr. Wayne Dwyer yesterday talking about thoughts because I needed some words of advice apart from the ones coming from my own head.

He said 'Just like you shouldn't believe everything you read, don't believe everything you think.' I get it, I get what he is saying, and for the most part I can stop the destructive self critical thoughts, but today the hill seems steep, so very steep.

My CG says 'don't focus on the past or the future because only the NOW is important and relevant.'

So listening to my wise little inner voice, that is what I will do today, 'one foot in front of the other.' Focusing on each step...

10 Comments

Palma

7/27/2011 06:33:47 pm

I, think that it is normal to go through periods of thinking about where we are headed when we feel that we are stationary,going nowhere. There will be leaps and there will be baby steps. We are never really 'stuck'unless we choose to stay there. The road uphill won't be easy. Just keep focusing on seeing yourself where you want to be and you will get there. It will be worth it.

lorraine link

7/27/2011 08:12:54 pm

agree with what Palma said plus I think your going uphill as you have just sold all those paintings..everyone has off days tomorrow will be better:)

Loryn

7/27/2011 10:02:37 pm

Uggghhhhh how well i know those thoughts and those days. good to know my favorite mentor, GREAT friend and fellow creative soul has them as well. keep climbing dammit. how many times have you told me the same thing? hugs! xo

Nic

7/27/2011 11:40:18 pm

Dear Mr Ego - I am a journyman everyone has to learn a trade and some takes longer then others – this is who I am and what I do – deal.

Dear Mr Ego – Life is full of hard work and slog, dreams take time to mature sure some may break but if we don't try to reach why bother with living, Sometimes we get so focused on the destination that we forget that it's the small moments in the journy that make the dreams happen. Stop being a pesimistic twit and – deal.

Dear Mr Ego – I hope you get gut ache.

Dear Mr Ego – Sharing is a part of who I am, what I must learn is balance and to keep something back for me – take your shards of negitive shit and sit on them – deal

Dear Mr Ego – I am an artist, I live - I breath - I create. Sometimes life makes that hard, sometimes it feels impossible. Sometimes the realities of having to find a balance seems so overwhelming that your nattering realy gets me down, but I am an artist – I live – I breath – I create and one step at a time I will grow and accomlish so to you Mr Ego I say, stop internalising the pressures of others – start prioritising your needs – stick to a plan – stop giving so much to others and give to yourself more – find a possitive in every negitive and shut up.

Marilyn Girling link

7/28/2011 01:23:20 am

Your stream of thought is oh so familiar to me Gary. I don't have the answer. For myself wrestling with these questions of profit vs. art has led to more than one instance of "dead muse syndrome". It is a very hard balance to achieve in this day and age when everyone is creating and selling at such a volume. Thank you so much for the self sacrifice you have made in building your site. I hope that you find the balance you are looking for. "To thine own self be true."

Mo Mapes link

7/28/2011 01:25:27 am

Dear Mr CG- RIGHT ON! Keep up the good work and ignore Mr. Ego.

Lisa Patencio

7/28/2011 02:06:47 am

My mind goes to making a living from your art.

Running a ning site is rewarding, but it takes energy. You also have your cow business. I wonder if you gave up one of the two, that energy can go towards the hard work of promoting yourself to galleries?

There are art shows in Europe. Here is one that Dan was just in:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dan-casado/5809014200/in/photostream

With your positive attitude and brilliant talent, it will come, whatever you want-it is there waiting for you!

Margo Garrison

7/29/2011 02:01:51 pm

Love what Nic said. That struggle you are speaking of is a necessary element for all of your successes. That back and forth banter creates the angst that is transformed into greatness on canvas, assemblage, video, whatever. If you spend the rest of your life questioning and you are doing what you have to do and love more than anything, that struggle would have been worth it anyway, so what can you do? If you have to take a break from something to do some cold calling on galleries, then you should definitely do that and don't let your ego talk you out of it. If they reject you, keep at it no matter what. You've been rejected before. I think most importantly you shouldn't underestimate what you have done already with the stunning work you have already created and had shown, running your site, changing lives daily. Just keep on keepin' on. And keep listening to Wayne Dyer--he's the guru for sure.

IN-grid

7/29/2011 04:25:43 pm

All that counts is the journey,the result comes second,if you have no pleasure in the journey,there will be no fulfillment even if you sell your work...

7/29/2011 04:37:01 pm

The journey is all that counts,the result is second.If you do not find pleasure in the journey,there will be no fulfillment even if you sell al your work

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Creative Genius versus Ego

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