_I normally can't sleep on planes but i found myself being comforted by the noise of the aircraft, i felt so at peace and it was like i was being gently rocked to sleep. Finally leaving Norway after 7 years. Mentally i had released all of my fears about the future and any expectations i had placed on myself and i found so much comfort being just ' in the now'.
I keep saying that it is going to be 'hard' to begin with but i find Dr Wayne Dyer in my head saying you don't attract into your life what you want, you attract into your life 'what you are'. And you are what you think, so you have to be careful what you think because that becomes your reality. He goes on to beat another message into my head ' Don't believe everything you think'. Sounded weird when i first heard him say that, but the more i examined my thoughts and behaviors the more i realised that message to be true. So for example my thoughts on how my last day in Norway would be didn't really playout in reality. I thought it was going to be so difficult but in reality it wasn't as hard as i had thought. Maybe because i had baptised myself in enough tears over the last 3 months and had fully realised it was the 'END' and that my life would never be the same again.
So now whenever i think to myself that starting new isn't going to be easy, i tell myself that it is going to be easy regardless if it is actually true or not because i can choose to think positive or negative and i think positive!
What i am going through is nothing new, so many other people have done or are doing the same thing. I have this mental imagine in my mind and it is me as a boy and i have fallen over and hurt myself, instead of laying there crying i get up as fast as i can and even though my knee is bleeding i continue to walk and i still continue to cry...but i am moving forward. For me i think that is an important message that even if we are hurting and we have pain, we have to keep moving forward, we have to continue on our journey, sure you can cry along the way, but don't stop, don't pity yourself. You just have to get on with it. Maybe that is how i can deal with difficult situations and why i have been called 'so brave' on many occassions. I don't see it as being brave, i just see it as ' getting on with it'. I am reminded once again of a story Dr Wayne Dyer talked about in one of his lectures and it was about a zebra (or some wild animal in Africa) and it had just had its leg chewed off by a lion but it had managed to escape and it was just eating grass and getting on with its life. It wasn't complaining 'poor me or how could this happen to me', it was simply eating grass and getting on with life. Ofcourse we are much more complex and are aware of our mortality but i think that message was an important one for me, to remember to keep going on, to keep moving forward even if you have a huge chunk taken out of you. You have to do otherwise your finished. There is always going to be 'downs' but there are equally going to be 'ups'.
So i finish this entry unsure of my future or what will actuality become my new reality, but i stay positive in my 'unsurity' (if that is such a word) and just have faith to focus on the 'now' and my passion, the rest will playout as is planned and i will continue and walk forward, wounds will heal and a new day dawns.