Being in 'transition' is a strange feeling, i liken it to what it would feel like to being a ghost. As i ride the train into the city I feel completely detached from everything and everyone. I feel like i am floating, and i watch people as they go past me and they are all occupied with their routines and lives, and then there is me, in transition. It is a weird sensation, that feeling of not really being apart of anything in particular, not having any real responsibility or routine to my daily life. I wish i cared, but honestly i don't at this point, and maybe that is a good thing or a coping mechanism. I think it makes it easier to deal with change when you just 'let go'.
It is like jumping off a cliff and free falling, i am not ready to pull the shoot yet because there is a freedom in the unknown and in the 'falling'.
Being a ghost in the city is my new reality for the moment and I am ok with it. I know i can't drift forever, but when you have gone through such life altering 'stuff' as i have over the last few months, giving yourself time to be 'everywhere and nowhere' is a good move emotionally. I know there will come a time soon when i will be ready to pull the rip chord on the parchutte and step back into 'reality' and that ghostly feeling will be become a distant emotion, but for the 'now', i welcome it.